Archive for September, 2008

23
Sep

‘Benny and the legs’

One of the advantages of living in a quiet Brooklyn neighborhood is the slower pace everything moves at.
This allows a certain number of unique characters to hang out at the entrance of the subway station with the purpose of some financial enrichment  -begging. Although I have never given them any money, they insist on talking to me day after day, in any kind of weather. And I, like most everybody, ignore them.

One such character is Benny. He sits on a wheelchair right at the top of the stairs of the Carroll Street station. His favorite phrase, which he repeats every single time you dash by him is “any change to keep me rolling?”  Benny must be in his late 50s or early 60s. You couldn’t really tell. His skin has been wrinkled and browned by the sun and he’s missing most of his teeth and a leg.

He has an orthopedic leg that I never seen him wear, but it’s always around him. He uses it as a tool to call on people or move the wheelchair around, just like a paddle.

One lonely morning I walk pass him and ignore him.  As I reach the bottom of the stairs, I hear a loud ‘promp, promp, promp, promp, kaplaaaaam!’ noise behind me. I look to the side and see that Benny’s metal leg has landed right next to me.

“Excuse me? Sir?” he yells.

I look up and see him smiling at me with the 2 teeth he has left.

“Would you mind bringing my leg up to me?”

I look at him, and then back at the leg lying next to me.  It is incredibly filthy. On one end, you can see the suction cup with dirt and grime that has accumulated for years. On the other end, there is an old Prada shoe.
“It’s wearing my new shoe and I don’t want to lose it,” He says.

I look all around me, but there’s nobody else in the station. I breathe in, grab the leg by the Prada leather loafer and walk up the stairs, hand it to Benny who snaps it right back on.  I notice he’s not wearing the other Prada shoe.

“My other shoe is at home. They are way too expensive to wear them both at the same time. You should try that. Makes them last longer.”

Never thought about that. With that piece of wisdom in my head, I smile and go down the stairs again.
“God bless you, my son! Thank you!” he yells at me from the top.

From that day on, whenever I walk by Benny, he tells the story to anyone who’s willing to listen.
“Hey! There’s my buddy. He’s the one who saved my leg!” The other beggars look at me and nod. I now have street cred thanks to Benny’s jumping leg.

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16
Sep

“the subway games”

There are ways to avoid the “I am a just a sardine in the middle of a sardine tin” feeling that seems to crawl upon you when you ride the same train day after day.  Just be observant and imaginative and your daily commute can be a journey of discovery.  Here are some suggestions for a more interesting ride:

1- “Ratspotting”
This is a game that requires you to be alert and competitive. Stand close to the rails and look down. For each rat you spot running around the tracks, you get 1 point. The rarer black rats are worth 5 points. A dead one, just half a point.  If you spot one running past by your foot, you get 25 points. If you find one jammin’ and clapping to the music of the Japanese guy playing “My heart will go on” in his weird one-string instrument, get out of the subway. You need fresh air.

2- “Name that announcement”
This game can only be played when you are in a rush to get somewhere. Your partner will be the train conductor. Just put that iPod away and be alert for the next announcement that will come blasting out of the obsolete yet entertaining loudspeakers: “Ladies and genbriiiiiiiiiiiik, because of zaaaaappppppphdi khdihywiuxxhgxixx, this train will grrrrrrrrrreeeeeeetttwww wwhsdhgd;hddjkhdk hdkhkxxissw.”  You can also play as a team with the people sharing your seat. Or play against the seat in front of you.  The team that correctly guesses where the train will take you now, wins.

3- “Mental dating”
Chances are that 99.9 % of the people you will find in the station at any single moment will be ugly. Some will have just an ugly face. Others will combine this with oddly-shaped bodies. Some will top this off with oversized shirts, dirty pants, pimples or synthetic fabrics that will self-combust if they walk too fast.  But if you look enough, you will find the .1 % that will be a vision of beauty.  Just stand close to her/him on the platform.  Come up with a romantic name, like “Penelope” or “Viggo”.  Follow that person into the train and ride very close. Try to stare without being caught and imagine a life together. Undress her/him in your mind.  Brush yourself against her/him as the train breaks. Imagine what your kids will be like. Two or three stations before your destination, it is important you start finding flaws. One station before, have a mental fight.  In this way, you will get the feeling of having loved and lost, which will reinvigorate you as you step off the train and go face another day at work.

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03
Sep

“why did you do this to me?!”

The ride is quiet and uneventful today. A bit boring. Just an older couple on the corner and a young woman in her 20’s across from me. I am beginning to think this would be a quiet ride home after a long day… But I was wrong.

The older couple gets off the car at the 23 st. station. Now it’s just the young woman and me. Peace. She sits there, very concentrated on reading some papers. I sit back and look at her from time to time. She looks harmless, almost innocent, wearing some torn jeans, a “Hello Licky” shirt (it’s just like the Hello Kitty cartoon but with a very long tongue) and a straw summer hat.

She raises her head and our stares meet for a second. Her angelic looks change, she now looks at me really mad. I immediately look away, remembering the number 1 rule of subway riding: never make eye contact. I said that before, I know. But learn it and live it, my friends.

“I am tired of you and everything you’ve done to ruin my life!” She yells at me.

A bit perplexed, I look around trying to find somebody else in the train. The only face I find is Martha Stewart, smiling at me from a poster advertising her daytime show. She must know what’s going on but won’t tell me. Come on Martha, some help here, I even sleep in your color-coordinated linens I bought at Kmart. Yes, I know I bought them on sale, but I swear I would’ve paid full retail.

“Hey!!! Look at me when I talk to you! At least be man enough to do that!” She yells at me again, her face getting red.
I move my stare from Martha back to her and tell her I have no idea what she’s talking about.

“I am about to do something I should’ve done long time ago!” She replies.

At this point, I am mentally reviewing what objects I have with me that could be used as a weapon: My little moleskin book where I write this: no. The New York Post: maybe if I roll it up. My iPod: I could strangle her with the cord, but it’s too messy. Besides, I would have to get another set of headphones after that…

Again, she interrupts my thoughts, but this time her voice has changed. She speaks like the sweet young woman I’d thought she would be:
“So, what do you think? Convincing?”

I really don’t know what to say. I just sit there staring at her.

“Oh, sorry” she continues, as she sees the blank look on my face “I am on my way to an audition. I am an actress, you see? So just wanted to check if I was believable.”

“Very!” I simply say, letting go of the seat I was holding on to, leaving the mark of my fingernails on the plastic surface.

∞∞∞